From Total Recall to Total Reflex -- Prosser cop-out is Wisconsin's latest wonder

Reflexing his muscleIn an interview with an investigating detective on July 8, State Supreme Court Justice David Prosser admitted he made contact with Justice Ann Walsh Bradley in an angry confrontation but recused himself on the basis that ... well, let's hear Prosser tell it:

"Did my hands touch her neck, yes, I admit that. Did I try to touch her neck, no, absolutely not, it was a total reflex."

To put Prosser's defense into other words: Justice Bradley's neck ran into my grasping, outstretched hands. 

Never mind that Prosser is six inches taller than Bradley, weighs thirty pounds more, and would have had to reach downward to encounter her neck -- sort of in the way that cartoonish Homer Simpson reflexively reaches out to strangle his son Bart. No, never mind. Case closed. Well, closed in the criminal courts, but still open before the Wisconsin Judicial Commission and the all-important court of public opinion.

You see, Prosser is innocent of any aggressive behavior because he only meant to defend himself against a charge by, said he, a fist-waving Bradley. You know how those uppity, non-conservative female justices always are-- so dangerous and so very deadly. A man's got a right to defend himself!

Prosser claimed to be horrified by his own body's allegedly reflexive, unwillful actions:

"What does any self respecting man do when suddenly that man finds that his hands, or part of his hands are on a woman's neck? Get them off the neck as soon as possible."

Actually, Mr. Justice, sir, a self-respecting man would not suddenly "find" his hands on a non-consenting woman's neck or any other part of her body. He'd make sure his hands never came close to her in the first place. 

But at least now we know -- or at least know his story -- that Prosser is not fully in control of his own body. He's a victim of reflexology. You question his authority and judgment, and, all by itself, his body reflexively becomes belligerent, as he has on other documented occasions. And whenever this happens, it's the fault of the woman involved. 

This is precisely why [sarcasm mode on] people who kill other people in the heat of the moment are never prosecuted. Theirs, you see, is merely a "reflexive" response on the part of their hands, not a willful act by a reasonable, thinking, intelligent person. That, along with the Twinkie defense, is so very handy in untidy little dust-ups like these. [sarcasm mode off]

Nevertheless, as a hard-right conservative, the ex-GOP legislator's reach on issues of law often clearly exceeds his grasp. Hence, Chief Justice Shirley Abrahamson's idea that maybe the justices will now have to start deliberating in public so there will be more witnesses.

Anyway, we look forward to the Hollywood treatment of the Prosser saga, a film that surely will have to be entitled, "Total Reflex."

By the way, this latest Prosser incident reinforces the Law of Republican Legal Non-Parity. That law, which I just made up, reads:

All Democratic officeholders accused of crimes or misconduct shall be judged by partisan GOP special prosecutors, while all Republican officeholders likewise accused shall by judged by ... partisan GOP special prosectors! See, we're completely equal!

In case you didn't know, the decision not to prosecute in the matter was made by Sauk County District Attorney Patricia Barrett, a Republican who was appointed special prosecutor in the matter. The Dane County DA, a Democrat, had to hand off the case because he's perceived as, well, partisan. Good thing we have partisan yet somehow non-partisan Republicans around to fill in whenever necessary.